


What Makes You Happy?

by littleyellowsundress



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Based on a song, Existential Crisis, Gen, Happy Ending, Religion, not a song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:20:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24217282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleyellowsundress/pseuds/littleyellowsundress
Summary: The war changed Steve. He knew that. He was no longer the kid he recognized from his childhood, and maybe that was what the problem was. Maybe he saw this new world in such a poor light because of his experiences.Natasha had said that it was just evolution getting to him. That the world evolved without him and now he felt lost to the new age.---1. Based on the song Blue Lips - Regina Spektorprompt: I didn’t ask for this!
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson
Kudos: 1





	What Makes You Happy?

**Author's Note:**

> the first day of my 30 day song challenge!  
> i hope you enjoy!

Growing up, Steve’s mother was very religious. Every Sunday they would go to mass and sit through the service, listen to what the priest had to say, and go home.

When Steve was laying on his deathbed, sick again with pneumonia, his mother called in the priest to read out Steve’s last rights. He and Bucky were inseparable after he healed, the real creeping fear that one day Steve could just drop dead like it was his one true calling.

His chronic pain made it difficult for him to work, making it difficult to live a life after his mother died of TB.

It was just his luck that his best friend was kind enough to offer Steve a place to live, free of charge.

When Bucky was drafted, Steve worked tirelessly to join the war effort. He refused to sit at home while those men, his _best friend_ , risked their lives to defend their country.

When Dr. Abraham Erskine selected Steve for his experiment, Steve knew this was it. This was his ticket into the war. 

When he emerged from the machine was when it began. When his world view shifted, and not just physically. When Erskine was shot was when he really got a taste for what this war was like. A taste for what happens to good men who fight the good fight.

When Steve crashed the plane into the arctic, he knew this was it. This was his own good fight. This was his time to rest.

  
  


*

  
  


The new world was all wrong. So very, very wrong.

When Steve awoke from what was essentially a seventy year coma, he didn’t know what to expect, but he still had expectations. 

What he saw wasn’t it. 

The war changed Steve. He knew that. He was no longer the kid he recognized from his childhood, and maybe that was what the problem was. Maybe he saw this new world in such a poor light because of his experiences. 

But maybe that was just wishful thinking.

Natasha had said that it was just evolution getting to him. That the world evolved without him and now he felt lost to the new age. 

While he hadn’t doubted that, he felt it was more than just that. It was something deeper that he couldn’t explain. 

This new world was… apathetic. Disinterested in the people. This technological age was unlike anything he had ever seen. And it was sad. 

People were all in a rush to be somewhere, to do _something_ that no one cared for each other any more. No one smiled anymore. 

This constant spiral of loathing made Steve sick to think about. It made him ill and tired. All Steve could think was _Why did this happen to me? I didn’t ask for this!_

When Sam asked him what made him happy, he didn’t have an answer. What had ever made him happy? Was he ever happy?

It was this train of thought that led him to the church he was standing in front of now. The church was small and unassuming, but he had done some research on the local churches, this one seemed to be the most inclusive one in the area.

This was Steve’s second time standing in front of the building. The brick siding old and worn, moss growing up its weathered cracks and grooves.

The first time he stood in front of this building he had chickened out and gone home. He prayed that night that he would be braver next time.

This time, the next time, he had invited Natasha to join him. He knew that she wouldn’t let him leave without at least trying it first. She agreed to join him, not because she herself was a religious person, but because she was his friend.

The service was lovely, the people kind and open hearted. After the service he thanked Natasha for joining him, for not leaving him alone to fend for himself.

The next time, he invited Sam to join him and Natasha. 

Sam said he had not gone to church in awhile, and that he was probably over due for it.

That Sunday was definitely one of the funnest days he had had since waking up.

**Author's Note:**

> please comment and kudos!
> 
> I posted this to the wrong date so there will still be a new day posted tomorrow :)


End file.
